Common Sense Work Habits?
COMMON SENSE WORK HABITS
(The content of this message in no way represents the policy or intentions of the person who is posting it or the business she works for and only represents a few people she knows, but not at her work. Nor does this recommend or encourage anyone to follow these instructions and if you know someone who does these things (don't we all?) it's up to you whether to send this to them or their boss, depending on how well you like them or where they fall in the pecking order, in front or behind you?)
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands: People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
2. Use computers to look busy:
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. (Of course we at HP would never do that) When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk:
Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. (we have many experts at this and I can connect you with them if you find this a problem) To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail:
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing, they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed:
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Appear to Work Late:
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read, but have no time until late before leaving.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect:
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.
8. Stacking Strategy:
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc... You can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary:
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
(The content of this message in no way represents the policy or intentions of the person who is posting it or the business she works for and only represents a few people she knows, but not at her work. Nor does this recommend or encourage anyone to follow these instructions and if you know someone who does these things (don't we all?) it's up to you whether to send this to them or their boss, depending on how well you like them or where they fall in the pecking order, in front or behind you?)
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands: People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
2. Use computers to look busy:
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. (Of course we at HP would never do that) When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk:
Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. (we have many experts at this and I can connect you with them if you find this a problem) To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail:
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing, they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed:
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Appear to Work Late:
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read, but have no time until late before leaving.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect:
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.
8. Stacking Strategy:
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc... You can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary:
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
posted by Jannie @ 9:34 AM
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