Granny Geek

OK, being the geek that I am, having been assimilated by my job, friends and husband, I'm sitting in bed writing a blog on my really cool HP 8240 laptop. I really love the wide screen and with the large font settings I can actually see (My Grandma, what big eyes you have. The better to see what I'm writing!)
So what's it like learning to be a geek at this age? I think some people are born that way. Then there are the people who become assimilated by their environment. In my case I got a job here at Hewlett Packard. Twelve years ago I was a country bumpkin, local EMT, playing city league softball, raising kids, volunteering in their school, even driving the school bus. Then life threw some hardballs and I was on my own, education consisting of teletype machines and manual typewriters. Hmm...what's a girl to do? Thankfully I had wonderful friends who helped me get my life on track. I started working for the Forest Service at the front desk, then fighting forest fires (that's a whole different blog), working on laying out logging sales, and eventually a contract job at Hewlett Packard. Even though I used a computer at the Forest Service it was nothing compared to working with an HP computer. My first contract job was working with some great ladies in the Response Center. That is where when anything goes wrong you call 5-FAST. Basically we were Mom's for a bunch of adults. I'm not kidding. We actually would get calls asking us what to do when someone dropped their pager in the toilet, or they dropped their coffee cup and it broke, or could we find someone to carry a piece of paper from upstairs to downstairs or could someone come and get their bracelet out of the wall heater (never did figure out how they did that?). That was back when the stock was over $100 and there were over 10,000 people on site. I loved it there because it was like a big family. I was making good money and could support my daughters, sort of. That was 12 years ago....now the stories I could tell. But I want to make you laugh and be thankful for what you have now so.....

Employee Humor - Laughs on Employee Performance Evals

Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations

For Everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.